My Addiction to Addiction (Poem)

Addiction is a place that feels like home
Where we’re comfortable; accepted; celebrated
Addiction shows us a world we wish existed

When we’re addicted
We yearn to feel or unfeel –
To nibble at numbing pleasure
To find acceptance –
Amongst others
Be it real or in our mind
Allowing us to act or unact with no hindrance
To feel free though we’re stuck on rewind

A world of yes, yes, yes

Such feelings could be honorable
In a sober mind, call it confidence
But the end no longer justifies the means
As we’re forcing yes in this instance

Addiction can be a drug
A poison
A thought
A misalignment of what we see;
Perceive
A disconnection to the reality
Bestowed upon us Here

And Now

Addiction is a place that feels like home
Where we’re comfortable; accepted; celebrated
Addiction shows us a world we wish existed

And in the end, consumes us

my story abit about me

hello my name is Lisa live in Kilkenny in Ireland I’m 41 I am a youth and addiction councillor. i am studing crimonology i fimd it very inntersting i set up a website i write storys about my self also if someone has a story they want to share i will put it on my blig page i dont no where its going at the monent but its doing good please take a look here is the link

http://www.lifesmatter4all.com

i would love to here from you #

lisa phelan

happy birthday

well today is my birtday im 41. i never dreamed in a million years id be writing or should i say blogging i love writing i love poetry so thats what im going to do on here. do something that i enjoy doing the most,

everyday is like groundhog day

all i do is lay on my bed and do this all day

is this going to be my life for a few months more

as the corana virus is trying to get in my door,

im sorry corana im not here today

maybe come back tomorrow for groundhog day

when it gets dark i drift off to sleep

but in the darkness i feel my body drifting off too sleep

then i am dreaming of what ive done that day

i open my eyes in the morning light

and do the same thing that i did that night

i think this is my life for a few months more

my laptop has taken over my mind and soul

and im writing on this page

to make some friends

because on the outside we cant do much

so here i am on here blogging away

telling my life story

but its true what they say

a problem shared is a problem solved

i think its true as i come to realise that what i have to say

is getting it off my chest for the problem to go away

but in this time of the pandemdic

we have no choice to stay in and stay safe

because home is where the heart is

and thats all i can say

the beginning

Hello my name iisa coleman, im 40 years old. I made this page as I feel like I have a purpose, I really want to help people who are struggling with there daily life,Alittle bit about my life.i have been through a lot in my 40 years I have been on a very long and hard road but I Survived it.I’m not perfect I’m an ex addict I’m clean now a year and a half and I’m sober from alcohol only a few months, I have beautiful children who mean the world to me I lost them 6 years ago I ended up on the streets that’s why I turned to drugs I felt worthless and I felt so empty I felt I didn’t belong and no one cared. i went on the missing list well for me I wasn’t missing I was trying to live and survive I was living in a tent in Dublin just off the luas line towards tallagh. i was with a dulin guy he looked after me well for the first few moths yeah anyway one day I was hungry so I decided to jump on the luas and go to the city to the soup kitchen when I looked at the wall of the GPO i seen a photo and it looked like me I started laughing I though it was a joke but it wasn’t it was me my family in belfast and my sisters in UK were looking for me. i went to the quards and I told them I wasn’t missing and I contacted my cousin in belfast to let him know I was ok, but little did I know what was going to happen next a few days later my self and my fella were in the tent getting ready to go to town as I was sick (from drugs) when I heard my name been called lisa lisa is that you I looked up and in my surprise it was my two younger sisters they travelled all the way from the UK to see if I dead or alive, I was so surprised as I felt like no one cared for me. i felt so happy seeing them they seen that I was living in a tent and they knew I was on drugs as I was so skinny but I denied it to them. when they knew I was ok they went back but they begged me to go with them but I didn’t want to leave my fella,,a few weeks passed and we decided to move to the UK, to try get a better start but it only got worse,,,, stayed tuned for the next chapter of my life

from where i left off from my last blog, we moved to England a little place in Lincolnshire called Spalding its where my mum was from but that’s another story, Myy partner was on methadone in Ireland and we thought that he would be put back on it straight away thinking his doctor would fax it for him but that didn’t happen he was on 90 mls i did my sickness from heroin i felf grand but my jonny was really ill coming off methadone he couldn’t sleep he was agitated restless. anxious he had severe cramps in his stomach I didn’t no what to do, we were living in my sisters at the time she had a little boy I was feeling so stressed because I was helpless for him. this lasted two weeks all he wanted to do was go back to Ireland for his methadone i kept telling him you will be better soon because I didn’t want him to leave me as I loved him so much, we had no money we were stuck in my sisters all the time I started to feel anxious because it wasn’t fair on my sister and her little man but she understood, another week passed and we finally got 90 pound we said finally we could go into town and do something, jonny was still feeling shit but he came into town, the first thing we did was get a big bottle of cider i think it was called white lightning. we sat by the river and had a drink I knew my sister would give out as she didn’t like people drinking or being drunk around her son which i understood,but i just wanted to make jonny feel ok and then that was the start of going backwards again we met a homeless guy jonny and him were chatting away whispering also, then jonny looked at me and said he was going half on a bag i didn’t no what to say he said he was feeling shitty still from the methadone which he was two weeks off it i felt sorry for him so i said ok. so that was the start to it all again days went by the sickness kicking in still living with my sister we were trying to hide it from her but spalding was a small town and she was well known so it got back to her we had a massive row, i said hurtful things and so did she and that was it she had no choice but to kick us out well she said she wanted jonny to go because i was her big sister and she knew i could be me again but i decided no I’m going with jonny, no idea where we were going as we didn’t no many people. so we got a tent and we put it up under a bridge God it was cold, it was November we met the homeless guy again he said get your tent and come stay in our site he said we have a camp fire every night we cook on it, i though why not. that’s when i let myself go i was only smoking the gear it came to a point where i wasn’t getting nothing off it so i asked jonny would he get me with a pin only 20 mls as i wasn’t used to it. he was not impressed he said no i begged and begged him he said he wont help me do it so i asked the guy we staying with he didn’t want to but he did as he was getting some for himself, and that was it i got that feeling of warmness i enjoyed it, as time went on i was getting skinny i went from 9 stone to 7 i let my self go i didn’t care no more. we then started begging as couldn’t afford two habits. then jonny started drinking and he started to get violent with me then he would manipulate me hee knew i loved him so much he knew he had me wrapped around his finger. he would call me names we would argue i told him i cant live like this no more i cried i said i cant Look at me I’m a mess. so the next day i went to the drug treatment place i needed help this wasn’t me it wasn’t my life few weeks after the two of us got on methadone i didn’t want to go on it as seeing jommy the way he was before but what choice did i have, then things turned around for us, we started going to church we then got a room in a house, then we got some back pay from welfare 400£ so we decided to buy a 42inc tv with Netflix and i was so happy we were happy it was my birthday and jonny bought me a laptop, things were going so good then jonny started getting bored he wasn’t used to living normal he started drinking 2 maybe 3 bottles of cider a day then the abuse started again i never in my wildest dreams think he would hit me, the first time i tried to leave and he locked me into the bedroom and said i wasn’t leaving him he pinned me to the bed started choking me then he would snap out of it, everytime he was drinking i got so scared and nervous thinking would it happen again he swore he would never touch me i gave him another chance, payday came and we bought a big soundbar for the tv and jonny gt his drink we were lying down watching a film i was biting my nails in fearrof him it was like a little switch it just goes off then he would start again blaming me for texting other fellas when i caught him out txting other girls he picked up the sound bar and hit me on the back with it i got my phone and my laptop and i ran out of the house he followed me i was trying to hide from him i was so scared but i jnew whwen he was sober he is so good i loved him so much, i decided to go home as i was freezing i though he would of cooled off by now, but when i got home he wasn’t there the relief but then i heard him come in he came into the room he grabbed my phone off me and picked up my laptop and walked out of the house, my phone was my only thing i had to keep in touch with my kids i ran after him asking him for my phone back and my laptop he trew my iPhone in the river i lost all my photos of my kids then he pinned me up against the wall hit me over the head with the laptop he said so many hurtfull things to me he stood on laptop to make sure it was broke he said he doing the same to the tv at this stage i didn’t care what he did i felt worthless i aked him WHY he told me i was ugly and no one will want me we argued more i remember him punching me in the face and kicking me in the ribs and then he ran off, i couldn’t move i had no phone to call for help i just lay there. then i remember waking up in hospital no one had no idea who i was i looked at my face my two eyes black and blue, the police came and asked me what happened i was too scared to tell them as if he got arrested he had a warrant for his arresert in Ireland i thought he would go back to jail. i didn’t make a statement, i went home and he wasn’t there so i went looking for him. i found him sitting by the river a bottle of cider in his hand he looked at me and said Did i do that? it was like he had no idea but that was him trying to get out of trouble i sat with him i told him i cant do this no more. he started crying saying please don’t leave me i actually felt sorry for him because he had no one over here in England, then he told me he had a slip i said it was ok. he swore that he would give the drink up silly me i believed him, weeks passed everything was starting to be nice again. then Boom Drink. the fear went all the way through my body i said to him I’m going to my sisters if he was drinking he swore he would be good i believed him it was about 4am i was trying to sleep he had youtube on up really high i asked him to turn it downbecause we lived in a shared house he wouldn’t listen I shouted i said do you want to live in a tent again because we will get thrown out then he started again i got punched and kicked i ran out of the hose not lnowning where i was going i ended up in the police station That was it i had enough i made aStatement against him i couldn’t live like that no more. the police went looking for him but he wasn’t at home. i was put in a safe house til he was found 5 days passed and they still didn’t find him. then i got a call from him telling me he was sorry asking me will i drop charges he was terrified as he would be in prison again this time i was strong i asked him where he was ill go meet him but i didnt i rang the detective told him where he was and he got arrested he was in court the next day the judge gave him a year he wasn’t allowed no contact with me or anything, then me being me feeling sorry for him i got a new number sent it to him he rang me everyday he said this time i swear if you give me another chance let me prove i can change and i fell for it so we chatted everyday that he was locked up he sounded like he had changed just by hearing his voice it was different BUT WAS IT to be cont………..

from where i left off from my last blog, we moved to England a little place in Lincolnshire called Spalding its where my mum was from but that’s another story, Myy partner was on methadone in Ireland and we thought that he would be put back on it straight away thinking his doctor would fax it for him but that didn’t happen he was on 90 mls i did my sickness from heroin i felf grand but my jonny was really ill coming off methadone he couldn’t sleep he was agitated restless. anxious he had severe cramps in his stomach I didn’t no what to do, we were living in my sisters at the time she had a little boy I was feeling so stressed because I was helpless for him. this lasted two weeks all he wanted to do was go back to Ireland for his methadone i kept telling him you will be better soon because I didn’t want him to leave me as I loved him so much, we had no money we were stuck in my sisters all the time I started to feel anxious because it wasn’t fair on my sister and her little man but she understood, another week passed and we finally got 90 pound we said finally we could go into town and do something, jonny was still feeling shit but he came into town, the first thing we did was get a big bottle of cider i think it was called white lightning. we sat by the river and had a drink I knew my sister would give out as she didn’t like people drinking or being drunk around her son which i understood,but i just wanted to make jonny feel ok and then that was the start of going backwards again we met a homeless guy jonny and him were chatting away whispering also, then jonny looked at me and said he was going half on a bag i didn’t no what to say he said he was feeling shitty still from the methadone which he was two weeks off it i felt sorry for him so i said ok. so that was the start to it all again days went by the sickness kicking in still living with my sister we were trying to hide it from her but spalding was a small town and she was well known so it got back to her we had a massive row, i said hurtful things and so did she and that was it she had no choice but to kick us out well she said she wanted jonny to go because i was her big sister and she knew i could be me again but i decided no I’m going with jonny, no idea where we were going as we didn’t no many people. so we got a tent and we put it up under a bridge God it was cold, it was November we met the homeless guy again he said get your tent and come stay in our site he said we have a camp fire every night we cook on it, i though why not. that’s when i let myself go i was only smoking the gear it came to a point where i wasn’t getting nothing off it so i asked jonny would he get me with a pin only 20 mls as i wasn’t used to it. he was not impressed he said no i begged and begged him he said he wont help me do it so i asked the guy we staying with he didn’t want to but he did as he was getting some for himself, and that was it i got that feeling of warmness i enjoyed it, as time went on i was getting skinny i went from 9 stone to 7 i let my self go i didn’t care no more. we then started begging as couldn’t afford two habits. then jonny started drinking and he started to get violent with me then he would manipulate me hee knew i loved him so much he knew he had me wrapped around his finger. he would call me names we would argue i told him i cant live like this no more i cried i said i cant Look at me I’m a mess. so the next day i went to the drug treatment place i needed help this wasn’t me it wasn’t my life few weeks after the two of us got on methadone i didn’t want to go on it as seeing jommy the way he was before but what choice did i have, then things turned around for us, we started going to church we then got a room in a house, then we got some back pay from welfare 400£ so we decided to buy a 42inc tv with Netflix and i was so happy we were happy it was my birthday and jonny bought me a laptop, things were going so good then jonny started getting bored he wasn’t used to living normal he started drinking 2 maybe 3 bottles of cider a day then the abuse started again i never in my wildest dreams think he would hit me, the first time i tried to leave and he locked me into the bedroom and said i wasn’t leaving him he pinned me to the bed started choking me then he would snap out of it, everytime he was drinking i got so scared and nervous thinking would it happen again he swore he would never touch me i gave him another chance, payday came and we bought a big soundbar for the tv and jonny gt his drink we were lying down watching a film i was biting my nails in fearrof him it was like a little switch it just goes off then he would start again blaming me for texting other fellas when i caught him out txting other girls he picked up the sound bar and hit me on the back with it i got my phone and my laptop and i ran out of the house he followed me i was trying to hide from him i was so scared but i jnew whwen he was sober he is so good i loved him so much, i decided to go home as i was freezing i though he would of cooled off by now, but when i got home he wasn’t there the relief but then i heard him come in he came into the room he grabbed my phone off me and picked up my laptop and walked out of the house, my phone was my only thing i had to keep in touch with my kids i ran after him asking him for my phone back and my laptop he trew my iPhone in the river i lost all my photos of my kids then he pinned me up against the wall hit me over the head with the laptop he said so many hurtfull things to me he stood on laptop to make sure it was broke he said he doing the same to the tv at this stage i didn’t care what he did i felt worthless i aked him WHY he told me i was ugly and no one will want me we argued more i remember him punching me in the face and kicking me in the ribs and then he ran off, i couldn’t move i had no phone to call for help i just lay there. then i remember waking up in hospital no one had no idea who i was i looked at my face my two eyes black and blue, the police came and asked me what happened i was too scared to tell them as if he got arrested he had a warrant for his arresert in Ireland i thought he would go back to jail. i didn’t make a statement, i went home and he wasn’t there so i went looking for him. i found him sitting by the river a bottle of cider in his hand he looked at me and said Did i do that? it was like he had no idea but that was him trying to get out of trouble i sat with him i told him i cant do this no more. he started crying saying please don’t leave me i actually felt sorry for him because he had no one over here in England, then he told me he had a slip i said it was ok. he swore that he would give the drink up silly me i believed him, weeks passed everything was starting to be nice again. then Boom Drink. the fear went all the way through my body i said to him I’m going to my sisters if he was drinking he swore he would be good i believed him it was about 4am i was trying to sleep he had youtube on up really high i asked him to turn it downbecause we lived in a shared house he wouldn’t listen I shouted i said do you want to live in a tent again because we will get thrown out then he started again i got punched and kicked i ran out of the hose not lnowning where i was going i ended up in the police station That was it i had enough i made aStatement against him i couldn’t live like that no more. the police went looking for him but he wasn’t at home. i was put in a safe house til he was found 5 days passed and they still didn’t find him. then i got a call from him telling me he was sorry asking me will i drop charges he was terrified as he would be in prison again this time i was strong i asked him where he was ill go meet him but i didnt i rang the detective told him where he was and he got arrested he was in court the next day the judge gave him a year he wasn’t allowed no contact with me or anything, then me being me feeling sorry for him i got a new number sent it to him he rang me everyday he said this time i swear if you give me another chance let me prove i can change and i fell for it so we chatted everyday that he was locked up he sounded like he had changed just by hearing his voice it was different BUT WAS IT to be cont………..

from where i left off from my last blog, we moved to England a little place in Lincolnshire called Spalding its where my mum was from but that’s another story, Myy partner was on methadone in Ireland and we thought that he would be put back on it straight away thinking his doctor would fax it for him but that didn’t happen he was on 90 mls i did my sickness from heroin i felf grand but my jonny was really ill coming off methadone he couldn’t sleep he was agitated restless. anxious he had severe cramps in his stomach I didn’t no what to do, we were living in my sisters at the time she had a little boy I was feeling so stressed because I was helpless for him. this lasted two weeks all he wanted to do was go back to Ireland for his methadone i kept telling him you will be better soon because I didn’t want him to leave me as I loved him so much, we had no money we were stuck in my sisters all the time I started to feel anxious because it wasn’t fair on my sister and her little man but she understood, another week passed and we finally got 90 pound we said finally we could go into town and do something, jonny was still feeling shit but he came into town, the first thing we did was get a big bottle of cider i think it was called white lightning. we sat by the river and had a drink I knew my sister would give out as she didn’t like people drinking or being drunk around her son which i understood,but i just wanted to make jonny feel ok and then that was the start of going backwards again we met a homeless guy jonny and him were chatting away whispering also, then jonny looked at me and said he was going half on a bag i didn’t no what to say he said he was feeling shitty still from the methadone which he was two weeks off it i felt sorry for him so i said ok. so that was the start to it all again days went by the sickness kicking in still living with my sister we were trying to hide it from her but spalding was a small town and she was well known so it got back to her we had a massive row, i said hurtful things and so did she and that was it she had no choice but to kick us out well she said she wanted jonny to go because i was her big sister and she knew i could be me again but i decided no I’m going with jonny, no idea where we were going as we didn’t no many people. so we got a tent and we put it up under a bridge God it was cold, it was November we met the homeless guy again he said get your tent and come stay in our site he said we have a camp fire every night we cook on it, i though why not. that’s when i let myself go i was only smoking the gear it came to a point where i wasn’t getting nothing off it so i asked jonny would he get me with a pin only 20 mls as i wasn’t used to it. he was not impressed he said no i begged and begged him he said he wont help me do it so i asked the guy we staying with he didn’t want to but he did as he was getting some for himself, and that was it i got that feeling of warmness i enjoyed it, as time went on i was getting skinny i went from 9 stone to 7 i let my self go i didn’t care no more. we then started begging as couldn’t afford two habits. then jonny started drinking and he started to get violent with me then he would manipulate me hee knew i loved him so much he knew he had me wrapped around his finger. he would call me names we would argue i told him i cant live like this no more i cried i said i cant Look at me I’m a mess. so the next day i went to the drug treatment place i needed help this wasn’t me it wasn’t my life few weeks after the two of us got on methadone i didn’t want to go on it as seeing jommy the way he was before but what choice did i have, then things turned around for us, we started going to church we then got a room in a house, then we got some back pay from welfare 400£ so we decided to buy a 42inc tv with Netflix and i was so happy we were happy it was my birthday and jonny bought me a laptop, things were going so good then jonny started getting bored he wasn’t used to living normal he started drinking 2 maybe 3 bottles of cider a day then the abuse started again i never in my wildest dreams think he would hit me, the first time i tried to leave and he locked me into the bedroom and said i wasn’t leaving him he pinned me to the bed started choking me then he would snap out of it, everytime he was drinking i got so scared and nervous thinking would it happen again he swore he would never touch me i gave him another chance, payday came and we bought a big soundbar for the tv and jonny gt his drink we were lying down watching a film i was biting my nails in fearrof him it was like a little switch it just goes off then he would start again blaming me for texting other fellas when i caught him out txting other girls he picked up the sound bar and hit me on the back with it i got my phone and my laptop and i ran out of the house he followed me i was trying to hide from him i was so scared but i jnew whwen he was sober he is so good i loved him so much, i decided to go home as i was freezing i though he would of cooled off by now, but when i got home he wasn’t there the relief but then i heard him come in he came into the room he grabbed my phone off me and picked up my laptop and walked out of the house, my phone was my only thing i had to keep in touch with my kids i ran after him asking him for my phone back and my laptop he trew my iPhone in the river i lost all my photos of my kids then he pinned me up against the wall hit me over the head with the laptop he said so many hurtfull things to me he stood on laptop to make sure it was broke he said he doing the same to the tv at this stage i didn’t care what he did i felt worthless i aked him WHY he told me i was ugly and no one will want me we argued more i remember him punching me in the face and kicking me in the ribs and then he ran off, i couldn’t move i had no phone to call for help i just lay there. then i remember waking up in hospital no one had no idea who i was i looked at my face my two eyes black and blue, the police came and asked me what happened i was too scared to tell them as if he got arrested he had a warrant for his arresert in Ireland i thought he would go back to jail. i didn’t make a statement, i went home and he wasn’t there so i went looking for him. i found him sitting by the river a bottle of cider in his hand he looked at me and said Did i do that? it was like he had no idea but that was him trying to get out of trouble i sat with him i told him i cant do this no more. he started crying saying please don’t leave me i actually felt sorry for him because he had no one over here in England, then he told me he had a slip i said it was ok. he swore that he would give the drink up silly me i believed him, weeks passed everything was starting to be nice again. then Boom Drink. the fear went all the way through my body i said to him I’m going to my sisters if he was drinking he swore he would be good i believed him it was about 4am i was trying to sleep he had youtube on up really high i asked him to turn it downbecause we lived in a shared house he wouldn’t listen I shouted i said do you want to live in a tent again because we will get thrown out then he started again i got punched and kicked i ran out of the hose not lnowning where i was going i ended up in the police station That was it i had enough i made aStatement against him i couldn’t live like that no more. the police went looking for him but he wasn’t at home. i was put in a safe house til he was found 5 days passed and they still didn’t find him. then i got a call from him telling me he was sorry asking me will i drop charges he was terrified as he would be in prison again this time i was strong i asked him where he was ill go meet him but i didnt i rang the detective told him where he was and he got arrested he was in court the next day the judge gave him a year he wasn’t allowed no contact with me or anything, then me being me feeling sorry for him i got a new number sent it to him he rang me everyday he said this time i swear if you give me another chance let me prove i can change and i fell for it so we chatted everyday that he was locked up he sounded like he had changed just by hearing his voice it was different BUT WAS IT to be cont………..

So i was clean again well still on methadone but from everything else I was living in a friends place I was so happy just enjoying life without jonnie but id still get a call from him the same time everyday I kept asking my self Is this love but every time I heard his voice that dublin accent I missed him but what what is that I was missing was I missing the drugs or the beating because there was no Love there I kept going over and over it in my head. i needed to see him and find out was I still in love with him, the police had a restraining order on him and if he was seen near me he would be arrested again even if he was talking to me on the phone which he was while in prison but he didn’t care as he loved me still I kept asking him why as I put him in jail he said he forgives me but he never even told me he was Sorry, I was so silly he was in my head so much my friend kept telling me if he hit you once he would do it again Id say he has changed and everyone deserves a second chance. He only had two weeks left to do I started having my doubts but then he would ring me and say I love you and I was back to that again feeling for him he would tell me I’m beautiful and I’m the only woman for him but still no sorry he made me believe he had changed and when he got out we would move out if Spalding so no one would no us as we weren’t meant to be together. but I didn’t was=nt to leave as I had family here and I had a roof over my head with a good friend but I couldn’t tell him as I was afraid to hurt him, Why was I always thinking of his feelings when he didn’t care about mine? at the time I didn’t realize that he was manipulating me. it was the night before he was being released from prison I was felling so anxious and so nervous it was like it was a rider date I was meeting someone I didn’t no, I was getting the felling no I cant do it I don’t want that life no more then the phone would ring did I want to answer I left it to the last min then answered we spoke for few mins he told me where to meet him the next day then he told me he loved me again and my heart melted, I went to the shop after that call and bought a bottle of wine as my the anxioty i was having was bad I was so nervous, morning came and I was waiting for my lift I was getting ready putting on my makeup and doing my hair up nice he hated me wearing makeup I think in my own head it was a test to see what he would say, my lift arrived and so I was on the way I was waiting outside the place he told me to wait for him I was waiting over a hour in the end I rang the prison and I ask had he been released yet I was told yes he was realised at 10 am this morning it was now 2pm. i missed him I got a sigh of relieve and then I seen him so I got out of the car and I walked up to him he hugged me so tight he put on a bit of weight witch was good he looked healthy, I told my friend who drove me she could go, I will get the train back, I asked him where he was going to be staying he told me he had no where but on the phone he told me the prison would get him a hostel but they didn’t I felt my whole body go numb i said where are you meant to be staying he said he didn’t no, so yet again It was like Deja vie, so what you gonna do jonnie I asked he said sure i can stay with you buy he couldn’t as I was staying in a friends of the families place and they wouldn’t allow him in the door. we went walking for a while he stopped at the off license and bought some cans I’m thinking in my own head here we go again, he said its ok I’m not that person i used to be it was getting late he told me to go home and go to bed i asked him what you going to do he told me ill find somewhere but i felt so bad i couldn’t leave him out all night on his own so here i was back to square one of living on the streets again a few weeks passed he was still drinking and it was getting worse and worse yet again he hit me again so i walked away i finally got the courage to tell him go away never contact me again but then he talked me around was i that stupid or did he have a spell over me so i stayed with him then he did it over and over again i was weak but i got the strength that day i started walking and i didn’t look back i got to my friends house black and blue crying my eyes out my friend called the police i didn’t even give a statement this time he broke his bail bond so if he was seen he was arrested again, he would call my phone i wouldn’t answer i just cut him off completely i was so broken inside and out i felt so much pain i felt stupid self worth ugly i was afraid to leave the house i couldn’t even go to the chemist to get my methadone i was starting to feel ill from it, then one nght a knock came to the door the last person i thought it would be was him cause he didn’t no i was staying there but all i could hear was hello is lisa there i ran and hid under the kitchen table i was shaking my friend told him i didn’t live there then i heard around the back he was shouting so load lisa I’m going to get you and kill you that was it i called the police he was found 3 days after and sent back to jail it was a week and i had no methadone i drank my way through the sickness it helped for a while, but the worst was over, then i decided I’m back to me again so i decided to move away so i ended up in Glasgow,,, and Glasgow is another story i hope you had time to read this. this was apart of my life that i want to forget but i thought if i wrote it down it would help me and it did then i thought maybe this will help someone else if they went through the same as me so i made a website and im telling my storys the link is below if you would like to see thank you to everyone who read this xxx

http://www.lifesmatter4all.com

THIS IS LIFE

I believe that everyone’s life matters in this world we are living in today, its a scary world out there at the moment with the corona virus, I am a qualified addiction councillor for the youth but I suppose youth and adults are just the same if i could help at least one person in a day moth or year i wold be happy, its just like your helping yourself. you hear peoples stories everyday and you can relate to it and it hits home, everyone has a different story but now everyone’s story’s are the same, everyone in the world is in lockdown and feeling lonely and maybe scared. everyone has to wear masks and distance yourself from people. people just seem to walk around you even in a big city where thousands of people walk a day bumping off you and you go mad that don’t happen no more the streets are empty the shops are closed its like the end of thee world when is it going to end I don’t think it will end this is life now the new normality, the birth rate will be lesser and less each year as there wont be pubs open to meet a person, This is it now

This is me i just turned 41 years have gone so fast but i still feel young

me and my beautiful kids love them to bits
my daughter Megan on her prom night she is so stunning

Having thus seen how ceramic productions illustrate the art ideas of all nations, having touched upon the influence of pottery upon art in general, and having glanced at its present aims and possible accomplishments, it will not be forgotten, after what has just been said, that the combination of the useful and the beautiful is the great charm of the ceramic art, making between them a new beauty which finds its best place in the household.